Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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