Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
