I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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