I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
