Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
