I wanna passion pit in your ass
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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