We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
