being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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