i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
