Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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