The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I have feelings that need drinking.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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