around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
is wine microwaveable?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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