I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
