he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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