Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
