Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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