Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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