She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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