I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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