I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
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