we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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