He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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