Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
BRING THE BAGELS
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
