This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
