I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
