I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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