We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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