I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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