I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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