nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
