So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
