just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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