This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just gift wrapped bread.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
