Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
