Your dad touched me again.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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