Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It all started with a game of naked twister.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
