you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
