Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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