i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
