wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
