i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I want to fling myself into the sun
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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