She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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