i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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