walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
