If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
