I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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