Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
