and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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