8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
