Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
