Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Randomize
